MommyNoire features my latest post on keeping your kids safer this summer.
One of my closest friends once told me, “When you really think about it, bullying is just low-level sexual abuse.” That thought stuck with me.
What also stuck with me is how prevention of bullying is similar to the prevention of child sexual abuse. It requires good communication, strong self-esteem, and engaged parents who understand the depth of the problem.
Stopping the cycle of bullying also requires many of the same things required in the prevention of child sexual abuse and cover-up: victim-friendly laws that extend the statute of limitations, exposure of the problem, and a concerted effort to hold enabling school or other officials accountable.
SCRAM! A Parent’s Quick-Start Guide to Preventing, Identifying, and Ending Bullying is now available for purchase in paperback or as an ebook.
My email was flooded this morning with news that St. Paul and Minneapolis Archbishop John C. Nienstedt and Auxiliary Bishop Lee A. Piché had resigned. If you haven’t been following the news, the archdiocese has been hammered during the past two years as legal disclosures showed that Archdiocese officials knew about child sexual abuse and covered it up for decades.
Less than two weeks ago, prosecutors filed criminal charges against the archdiocese. Although Nienstedt and Piché were not charged, the complaint outlined how both men knew about abuse and did little to nothing to protect children.
This morning, the Vatican announced that they had accepted the men’s resignations.
The resignations a positive moves and show a huge step in the right direction when it comes to punishing church officials who covered up abuse. Following on the heals of the resignation of Kansas City-St. Joseph Bishop Robert Finn, these ousters are well-needed, if not very overdue.
But Francis is not a brave reformer.
Before you wag your fingers at me and say, “Gee, Joelle! Why are you always so critical? Francis is doing great things. He’s different,” we need to take note of some very important facts:
1) The Vatican was not the group that exposed the wrongdoing of these bishops.
The ONLY reason we know about Finn is because brave prosecutors did the right thing and charged him with child endangerment. No one in the Vatican was going to do a thing. In fact, none of Finn’s fellow bishops called on law enforcement indict Finn for covering up child pornography. Even after the conviction, Finn’s fellow bishops said nothing in support of the victims.
2) The only reason we know about the scope and scale of crimes in Minnesota is because of their three-year civil window for victims.
Recently Minnesota passed The Child Victims’ Act, a three-year “window” that allows victims of child sex crimes to use the civil court to expose their abusers and get justice, no matter when the abuse occurred.
As more and more victims came forward to file child sex abuse and cover-up lawsuits, their attorneys were able to get access to and expose THOUSANDS of secret internal church documents that outlined how men like Nienstedt and former vicar general Kevin McDonough knew about abuse and abusers and did NOTHING to protect children at risk.
Documents exposed in the civil proceedings—proceedings started by brave VICTIMS using the CIVIL COURTS—are the reason that these bishops were exposed and are resigning. The Vatican did not turn over the documents. Nienstedt did not hand them over voluntarily. It was only because of a victim-friendly civil law and brave survivors.
3) Francis is not the reformer. Survivors who use the civil courts are the true reformers in this story. Francis is only reacting to bad press.
Pope Francis is coming to the US later this year. He and his astute PR team saw the writing on the wall. They realized that if they did nothing, the entire trip would be marred by questions about abuse and cover-up (especially in the case of Finn, who was convicted of child endangerment). Instead of interviewing happy Catholics and gushing US leaders, the press would focus on victims’ groups and advocacy organizations who (rightfully) demand change.
In accepting these bishops’ resignation, the Vatican made the shrewd move.
But remember: Survivors made the BRAVE move.
The Compassionate Response: How to help and empower the adult victim of child sexual abuse is now available in Spanish. Paperback and Kindle editions.
About the book:
One of the hardest things that many adult survivors of child sexual abuse will ever do is come forward and tell someone. Even if the survivor finally discloses decades after the crime, the pain is still fresh and the shame still stings.
But for the person the survivor tells, hearing the news and knowing how to react in a compassionate, safe, and empowering way can be almost as difficult.
This easy-to-use book gives friends, spouses, and loved ones guidelines on compassionate responses and appropriate resources—including services, information on civil and criminal statutes of limitation, and support—that can help adult survivors of child sex begin the path towards healing.
La Respuesta Compasiva: Cómo ayudar y fortalecer a la víctima adulta de abuso sexual infantil.
Una de las situaciones más difíciles que pueden experimentar muchos sobrevivientes adultos de abuso sexual es tomar la decisión de contárselo a alguien. Incluso si el sobreviviente finalmente lo revela muchas décadas después de que el abuso sucedió, el dolor todavía se seguirá sintiendo como algo reciente y la vergüenza todavía lastimará.
No obstante, para la persona a quien el sobreviviente le cuenta el suceso, puede ser casi igual de difícil escuchar la noticia y saber cómo reaccionar de manera compasiva, segura y fortalecedora.
Escrito por una sobreviviente que es una experta nacional en el tema, este libro fácil de leer es el punto de partida perfecto para alguien que conoce a un sobreviviente adulto de abuso sexual infantil.
Disponible en edición de bolsillo y para el Kindle
This is probably the most telling document trail from today’s release of clergy sex abuse documents.
From the file of Servite Friar and former Servite HS teacher Joe Sharkey:
Letter from Fr. Steven Ryan to Servite Provincial Fr. Terence O’Connor:
Servite provincial Fr. Terence O’Connor to Fr. Steven Ryan:
Makes you want to call your Servite friends and see if they can get a tuition refund.