![Do you know your rights in New Jersey? [video]](https://theworthyadversary.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/Screen-Shot-2021-11-03-at-11.01.42-AM.png)
I had the honor to host a survivor-centric informercial on victims’ rights in New Jersey. If you were sexually abused as a child in that state, you need to watch – time is running out.
Author: Joelle Casteix
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Childhood Sexual Abuse and Food Part One: Why do I have gut issues?
Healing your heart and your mind often starts with making peace with your body (and, as a result. how you nourish that body).
In the next series of blog posts, I am going to do a deep dive into the big connection between childhood sexual abuse/childhood trauma and food issues. The connection is a troubling one—on an anecdotal level, a vast majority of the survivors I have worked with over the years have battled obesity, diabetes, cancer, eating disorders, body dysmorphia, chronic disease, digestive issues, irritable bowel syndrome, autoimmune disorders, and food sensitivities. But I wanted to learn more about WHY this is. What is the connection? What causes it? And how can we help people who are struggling?
I come to this discussion honestly: I have battled food issues my whole life. They go back further than my abuse (I grew up surrounded by unhealthy body expectations), but my own struggles with emotional eating, food shaming, IBS, and now lupus, most likely, have a direct connection to what happened to me as a teen.
Topics I plan to discuss over the next few weeks will surround the effects of abuse on (including studies on) survivors and the resulting food/eating issues: including shame, control, self-destruction, self worth, the PTSD response, the physical isolation of obesity, and, of course, emotional and response eating.
But before we get into that, I want to talk a little about the physical effects of the stress and inflammation caused by the trauma of child sexual abuse.
Remember Grandma’s Nervous Stomach? Well …
Remember when you were a kid and how your grandmother or other adults used to complain about their “nervous stomachs?” Guess what: It was not all in their heads. Even though at the time people tended to write off such complaints as “made up for attention,” or “hysteria,” we now know that there is a direct connection between the gut and the brain.
In fact, some medical experts now refer to the gut as your “second brain.” The neurons and neurotransmitters in our gut are the same kind as the ones that are found in our brain and nervous system (and the gut rivals the brain in numbers of neurons). The two systems—gut and brain—actually communicate using those neurotransmitters to relay information and the response to stress and stimuli. Anyone who has ever had “butterflies” in their stomach, felt sick when they were nervous, or whose intestines either shut down or go into overdrive when under stress, will tell you that this is no joke.
The Physical Effects
So, we understand that the stress and negative stimuli associated with child sexual abuse can make our guts feel bad and affect our thinking around food, but is there more? Does all of this result in a physical change in our guts?
The short answer: Yes.
The long answer: A Columbia University study found childhood trauma leads to harmful changes in the gut biome (the billions of micro-bacteria in your gut that aid in digestion, the immune system, and brain health). When that biome is upset or damaged due to childhood trauma (and because of the improper development or function of the neurotransmitters), the gut biome can be permanently altered over the lifespan. Sufferers can develop “leaky gut” (when toxins and other inflammatory foods enter the body through the gut lining before the helpful bacteria in the gut can properly process and dispose of them). The direct effect is food sensitivity (inability to handle certain types of foods like wheat, dairy, or soy), pain from gas and bloating, leaky gut, IBS, and physical damage to the intestinal wall.
What does this look like in real life? Survivors of child sexual abuse develop pain and other symptoms (including food intolerance) that, seemingly, “come out of nowhere” and cannot be easily diagnosed. The pain and damage are real, however, and tend to get worse over time. But because the survivor is usually also suffering from mental and emotional problems resulting from the sexual abuse, their symptoms are often not taken seriously by loved ones and medical professionals.
Autoimmune And Your Gut
When the changes in the gut biome go unaddressed and untreated, the body does its rotten best to fix the situation. In many cases, this inflammation causes an “over-response:” the body’s own immune system (found in the gut, mind you) attacks healthy cells, resulting in autoimmune disorders.
A study in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine found that in adults who suffered cumulative childhood trauma, including child sexual abuse, the cases of adult-onset autoimmune disorders sharply increases.
For anyone who suffers from Celiac Disease, saying that they have a “sensitivity” to wheat and gluten is an understatement. Their gut biome is so damaged that gluten strips the villi (the small, finger-like projections in the intestine that absorb nutrients and transport them to the bloodstream) from the lining of the Celiac’s gut. No villi, no bueno.
So, Now What?
Until we can completely stop the cycle of child sexual abuse and stop the crime from happening, we must honor survivors and long-term effects of the trauma.
The easiest way to do that is to give people grace over their food decisions. You don’t know why people have to make the decisions that they do.
Saying things like, “Is that all you’re eating?” “C’mon, what’s a little bread/sugar/soy?” “Why are you causing problems by being fussy?” or “You can’t eat? Gee, I wish I had that problem,” are inappropriate and shaming. What other adults put on their plate is none of your business.
Pointing out and minimizing someone’s food sensitivities puts the target in a situation where suddenly that person has to justify why they can’t eat “just like everyone else.”
“Tricking” the person by spiking food or lying about ingredients can put them into large amounts of distress, the hospital, or the morgue.
Tips For Those Suffering
Most people don’t sit down and say, “Maybe my physical digestive symptoms are a result of what I experienced as a child.” But if you do have sensitivities, food allergies, or distress—or any symptom you don’t understand—talk to your doctor. Be honest about your past experiences. Share the studies I have posted here.
If you know that certain foods will hurt you, remember: “NO” is a full sentence. You do not have to explain yourself to anyone. It’s okay to say no at a potluck, buffet, or party.
Many people have also been able to help themselves by writing down what they ate and their emotional state before the symptoms occurred in order to determine what foods are triggering the problems. If writing down what you eat or eliminating food causes a host of problems of its own (which I will address in later posts), take a deep breath, talk to your doctor, therapist, nutritionist, or support person, and be open and honest. You never need to be ashamed about how food affects you and your behavior.
But whatever you do, do NOT ignore the pain, distress, and symptoms in the hope they will go away. Help is available. You can stop or reverse damage with support on your journey.
It’s not all in your head.
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The PODCAST is UP!
PLEASE LISTEN, SUBSCRIBE, AND SHARE!
You asked. I answered. The PODCAST is finally here. Join me at the SpotTheLine table of experts as we talk about Andrew Cuomo, the fascinating history of Sexual Assault Awareness Month, and abuse and assault prevention.
Two episodes and a preview are up, everywhere you get your podcasts.
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Diocese of Orange snags more than $24 mil in PPP loans
Today, the Associated Press released a blockbuster article about how the Catholic Church in the United States has obtained hundreds of millions of dollars in PPP loans, despite a lack of need.
In Orange County, California, Bishop Kevin Vann treated PPP loans like a taxpayer-funded ATM machine.
Catholic entities under Vann’s direct management collected more than $24 million. This includes $3.6 million for the main diocese offices, $8 million for high schools, $1.8 million for the Education and Welfare Corporation, $10 million for parishes and more than $200K for the Orange Catholic Foundation. The foundation alone is sitting on $72 million in assets, according to its 2019 financial statement. All of the loan amounts can be accessed through the PPP loan database.
The PPP loans were intended to keep small businesses afloat during the pandemic, not help large, well-funded religious entities amass greater wealth and power. It’s another example of how the Diocese of Orange (and other dioceses nationwide) use their nonprofit status to exploit the tax code, and, according to the Los Angeles Times, use their “charitable foundations” to fill their coffers and hide assets from survivors of child sexual abuse.
This is all going on while hundreds, perhaps thousands, of survivors throughout California are coming forward to demand accountability under California’s civil window for child sex abuse survivors. Will Bishop Vann suddenly cry poor again? Will he use his “charitable foundation” and forgivable PPP loans to hide in bankruptcy court, like many other Catholic dioceses have done? Will he continue to sue anyone who criticizes him?It’s time that elected officials and the public hold Bishop Vann (and every other Catholic bishop) accountable to survivors of child sexual abuse, taxpayers, the US government, and small business owners—all of whom are being cheated and manipulated.
If Bishop Vann can spend $14 million in 2019 to repair an organ and rehab the former Crystal Cathedral, he can return $24 million to taxpayers who should not be funding his extravagant displays of wealth. -
A Day of Reckoning for the Boy Scouts
If you think 2020 isn’t going well for you, take a look at the Boy Scouts: it’s estimated that up to 50,000 victims of child sexual abuse could come forward in the Chapter 11 Boy Scout bankruptcy.
Survivors until November 15 to file paperwork and join the bankruptcy, which I predict will uncover decades of the facilitation and cover-up of the sexual abuse of boys.
The November 15 deadline is called a “bar date,” and it’s a line in the sand drawn by the bankruptcy courts. The Scouts filed for Chapter 11 protections back in February, due to declining sign-ups and a flood of child sex abuse cases.
Anyone who comes forward after November 15 cannot join the bankruptcy proceedings. It’s arbitrary and it’s awful, but it’s the way it is.
“But the Scouts do so much good work, Joelle”
I know I am going to get a lot of pushback from parents who will say, “But there was no abuse in OUR troop. Why are you painting all of the Scouts with your black brush?”
Here is my response: Let’s say that the numbers show us that one-in-twenty boys in the Scouts was sexually abused. (Remember, less than one-in-twenty survivors of abuse will even come forward in the bankruptcy).
Are you willing to let your son be “the one” and throw the Scouts a bone?
I didn’t think so.
All of the “good works” don’t make up for a single one of the tens of thousands of boys who were sent to the lions.
(And here’s a *spoiler alert*: If you took your “very safe” troop anywhere where they encountered other troops and adults, they were at risk.)
I know someone who was abused in the Boy Scouts. How do I help them?
Normally, my advice is to “meet survivors where they are.” That is, be a source of support, a listening ear, and a non-judgmental positive force.
For general information on how to help a survivor who is coming forward, you can read my free e-book, “The Compassionate Response.”
Unfortunately, this situation is different.
- If you know a survivor who is coming to terms with their abuse, you need to let them know that this November 15 deadline is looming. It will not be extended. After the 15th, survivors will (most likely) not be able to expose their abuse in the courts or get compensation for counseling, etc.
- Let the survivor know that the deadline is a paperwork deadline. In a bankruptcy proceeding, they will not have to give a deposition or testify in court by November 15 (and, most likely, they won’t at all). They will not have to face the person who abused them.
- Tell the survivor that they have options and should talk to a lawyer ASAP. Survivors can file their own “notice of claim,” but I do not recommend that. It’s complicated and the process is not survivor friendly or trauma-informed. There are lawyers who specialize in child sexual abuse cases who can help them: good lawyers charge a standard percentage (usually 33%) of the survivor’s final award. The survivor will pay nothing out of pocket. You can watch this video on how to choose a good civil attorney. The Boy Scouts have hired teams of lawyers to make sure that few survivors as possible are able to exercise their rights. A survivor should not go into the shark tank without someone fighting for them.
- Show the survivor that they can reach out to me for help. They can contact me though the blog here or my website. No one should have to embark on this journey alone.
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Diocese of Fresno promised us a list of accused priests. Where is it?
Fresno Bishop Joseph V. Brennan promised a list. Did he think we forgot?
Now that my white paper on the sexual abuse of women in the Catholic Church is complete—and getting a great response—I am beginning work on a complete analysis of California’s Catholic dioceses, sexual abuse, and cover-up.
I thought I would start with the low-hanging fruit: looking at each diocese and determining who published a list of credibly accused clergy.
San Francisco has never published a list. That is not terribly surprising: with a long history of abuse and cover-up, its sheer size, numerous spin-off dioceses (such as Oakland and San Jose), and the fact that it is the home of numerous religious orders, missing names are not shocking. Most likely, church officials want to keep a lid on that mess of a list. (But my guess is it would be HUGE.)
What is interesting, however, is a promised list that never appeared from the Diocese of Fresno.
According to a press release published on its website in June 2019:
The Diocese of Fresno takes very seriously the responsibility of maintaining a safe environment for its children. Currently, Dr. Kathleen McChesney, former FBI official and her associates are reviewing all clergy files dating back nearly 100 years. The review will assist the Diocese with creating a list of clergy who have been credibly accused of improper conduct with minors.
You may recognize McChesney. She is a former FBI agent who was the first person to head up the USCCB Office of Child and Youth Protection.
Here is the problem: It’s now October 2020, and we have yet to see a list.
Why the delay?
We can’t blame COVID for the foot dragging. Attorney Jeff Anderson released a comprehensive list of Fresno’s accused clergy (according to public record). In addition, the diocese is participating in the Independent Compensation Plan (the California multi-diocese compensation program).
In fact, AB 218, the California Child Victims’ Act, which gives victims of child sexual abuse in California new rights in the civil courts to expose abuse and cover-up, was signed by Governor Gavin Newsom just a few months after Brennan promised a list.
But, Brennan probably thought, why alert victims by coming clean?
They have the names. They just refuse to release them. So much for “responsibility.”
What else is Bishop Brennan refusing to disclose?
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What if women comprised 50% of sex abuse victims in the Catholic Church?
What if the cornerstone of our conventional wisdom about the victims of the Catholic Church and clergy sex abuse crisis was wrong?
What if, in a statistically viable sample of survivors of abuse in the Catholic Church, 50% of respondents were female? What if you also knew that this result is almost statically impossible to achieve with the conventional wisdom, which says that boys outnumber girls four to one?
Would that change how you, the church, advocacy groups, and the general public respond to the crisis?
The results of my Survivors Insight Survey are in. You can read the white paper here.
According to the survey:
51% of respondents were female.
40% of clergy predators were not on any diocese “list.”
90% of survivors were abused by priests, brothers and nuns. Approximately 10% were abused by lay (non-clergy) employees and volunteers.
Respondents said women are disenfranchised in the entire “system”
According to the church’s reported numbers on abuse—such as the 2004 John Jay Study on Abuse—male victims outnumber female victims of clergy sex abuse four-to-one. This fits a preferred church narrative: that the sex abuse crisis is the fault of “homosexual priests.” This is the exact opposite of male to female ratio of victims of child sex abuse in the general population.
The survey showed that female survivors don’t come forward due to victim-shaming, and lack of gender equity in church/civil litigation.
Many women respondents stated that their abuse “wasn’t as important or awful as the abuse of boys … or women thought that what happened to them didn’t qualify as abuse, because they did something to invite and condone it.”
Other factors keeping women coming forward, according to the survey results, include female victim-shaming within the Catholic Church (with clergy engaging in victim-blaming and propagation of rape myths), lack of gender equity and transparency in personal injury sex abuse settlements, and the lack of women attorneys representing victims of clergy sex abuse.
Many women respondents said that they believed that attorneys for victims only represented boys who had been abused.
Church leaders are not disclosing names of abusers
Approximately 40% of respondents said that the person who abused them was not on any list published by a diocese or religious order. Who are these alleged predators? Are they still working with children?
What are church leaders not telling the public? What is the risk that still exists?
Church leaders are pointing prevention programs in the wrong direction
If 90% of accused abusers are members of the clergy, the current focus of prevention, screening and reporting (which focuses on employees and volunteers) is not effective. The results show that we are in the midst of a clergy sex abuse crisis, not a ‘volunteer sex abuse crisis.’
When the reporting structure requires people to report to those who comprise the majority of abusers, are reports taken seriously? In other words, human nature shows us a priest, brother or nun is far more likely to discount reports about their peers—or do their best to protect the accused.
Other results
The survey also tracked respondents’ opinions on advocacy groups such as the Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests, the usage of the terms “survivor” and “victim,” and survivors’ views of civil litigation and church-run compensation programs.
Why a survey?
During the past 20 years, I felt that the gender demographics of the survivor population did not reflect the numbers that the church, media, and other advocates were reporting. I wanted to find out what the real numbers were. Why weren’t women being counted?
How was the survey administered?
The survey, administered in February and March of 2020, asked subjective and objective questions to a statistically viable sample of survivors in the United States. The results were interpreted with the help of an independent statistician.
But this was not a randomized, scientific sample. Should we take it seriously?
I have received pushback on my results and conclusions because I was unable to produce a randomized, scientific sample. There are a million ways that people can try to discount my findings. But that doesn’t take away the fact that there are women who are not coming forward and, subsequently, children who are still at risk.
But think about this for a moment: every statistic we have on sexual abuse in the Catholic Church is self-reported by victims or the church.
The John Jay Report on Abuse was self-reported by the bishops. Grand Jury Reports rely upon survivors to come forward and documents provided (or seized) from the church. Because of the nature of child sexual abuse, it is virtually impossible to create a randomized study.
When it comes to ‘coming forward,’ women see a sea of powerful male adversaries. It causes them to question their experience and return to shame.
What do we do now?
We can look at this data and change the way we communicate with and aid the survivor community.
We can talk.
We can try to think a little differently.
We can communicate with more compassion.
We can work to stop the cycle of abuse in the Catholic Church.
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Arizona Child Victims’ Act: Two New Lawsuits Filed
The Arizona Child Victims’ Act has not been in the headlines much—Covid and the elections have stolen most of the news airtime in that state.
Don’t let the quiet fool you: Arizona’s Catholic Bishops have a long and sordid history of enabling and protecting child sex predators.
Today, victims filed two new child sex abuse and cover-up lawsuits against the Diocese of Phoenix and one its more notorious predators (who came by way of Tucson), Fr. John P. Doran.
Doran is one of approximately 200 predator clerics who lived and worked across the state.
Read the news coverage here. Doran’s complete assignment history is here.
The Arizona Child Victims’ Act closes in December of 2020. After that time, many survivors of child sexual abuse in the state will lose their right to expose predators and protect children right now.
If you know someone who was sexually abused as a child in Arizona (no matter the predator), support them, listen to them, and let then know that it is safe to come forward and get help.
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Where does “forgiveness” come from?
Since I began discussing forgiveness as the topic of my new book project, I have had a number of very smart friends send over great research materials.
One person pointed out the two Greek words used in the Bible for forgiveness: charizomai, which translates roughly to “grace” or to “bestow a favor unconditionally” and aphiemi, which translates to “set free,” “let go,” or “cast off.”
Both are good words to use when discussing forgiveness in a general manner. But, unfortunately, neither are useful for a discussion of the etymology (origin) of the word we use (or misuse) everyday: we do not speak Greek and I’m not anchoring my discussion in Christianity. (Instead, Christianity is only one facet of the discussion).
The bigger the vocabulary, the more precise the language
English is a very precise language with a huge vocabulary. Experts who study the English language say that there are approximately 350,000 words (although some estimates go up to one million words and the Oxford English Dictionary says that English has 273,000) in our vocabulary (including words that have fallen out of usage and words adopted from other languages). Spanish, on the other hand, has about 150,000.
Greek, however, is known as one of the world’s richest languages, with dictionaries and experts estimating that the language contains anywhere from 200,000 to 5 million words.
Obviously, counting vocabulary words is not an exact science. But we can see here that Greek has more words to choose from when we talk about the idea of forgiveness. No wonder they are able to use two, very distinct words.
What about “pardon” or “reconciliation”
Yes, these words can be seen as synonyms or similar words to “forgive.” But in English, we seldom say, “Pardon me” (from the French perdonare and the French pardoner) when referring to anything other than accidentally bumping into people or burping in public.
“Reconciliation” in English, unlike forgivess, is a two-way street. Both parties have to agree.
Which leads us back to “forgive.”
Word Origin
From approximately the 5th to the 12th century, the people of England and southern Scotland spoke what scholars call Anglo Saxon, a Germanic language that was comprised of numerous dialects depending on geography. This is also often referred to “Old English.”
That all changed with the Norman Invasion of 1066 CE, when William the Conquerer and his armies introduced French to the region. For a number of centuries after the invasion, most “learned” Brits were bilingual and Old English evolved into what we call Middle English.
“Forgive” is derived from the Anglo Saxon forgiefan, a word from the West Saxon dialect which means “to give,” “allow,” “pardon an offense,” or to “forgive.” The Norman invasion introduced words like pardoner centuries later.
Not very helpful, huh? I was hoping for something a little more enlightening as well. We don’t have additional words for forgiveness with subtle differences to help with nuance (as we can see, “pardon” and “reconciliation” are poor replacements).
So how did this word with such humble beginnings become so loaded and so weaponized in the 21st century? How did a language so rich refuse to adopt or create new words to help embrace one of the fundamental concepts of society and community living?
How did we let forgiveness f*ck us up so much, and what do we do about it?
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Weaponized Forgiveness: A New Blog Series
“Forgive me.”
“Times were different then.”
“You need to forgive to heal.”
“Let go of your anger and find healing and peace.”
Heard these before? What is this is a lot of sociological, historical, and political bunk?
That’s what I am looking to find out.
I am working on a new book project. The idea came to me piece by piece during the past few months as a culmination of my observations of how people are systematically manipulated and controlled by one principle: forgiveness.
My observations began with the place where I spend most of my blogging time: the world of exposing child sexual abuse. I noticed how perpetrators use forgiveness to manipulate victims into keeping silent. I’ve watched how institutions such as the Catholic Church use Christian principles of forgiveness to allow abuse to continue and flourish.
Then, just as the idea was beginning to solidify, current affairs stepped in to help.
From the recent protests over racial injustice, to police, to politics, to corporate misdeeds, why is it that wrong-doers always hide behind the need for victims to forgive?
Then, it got personal.
Method of control
In the past couple of weeks, a credibly accused child predator emailed me, asking that I take down a Diocese of Belleville warning about him. The warning states:
The Diocese of Belleville informs the Conference that it has dismissed Fr. Balili from this position, and has requested his bishop to direct Fr. Balili to return to his home diocese, and that it took this action based on instances of what the Diocese of Belleville viewed as inappropriate conduct regarding certain of his parishioners. The Diocese of Belleville also indicates
that it has learned of similar inappropriate conduct in Fr. Balili’s
previous assignments.And, of course, I am not the only outlet that has reported on the allegations.
In his email to me, he asks to be “reconciled with me” because much time has passed since he was removed from Belleville. He wants to get on with his life, he says. He opened the email with “Pax Christi” (Latin for Peace of Christ).
I told him that if the Diocese of Belleville chooses to retract the statement, I will issue a correction.
But what do his language and tone tell us? If I don’t reconcile (actually a step beyond forgiveness), am I a bad person? Do I defy Christian values? Am I not following the example of Christ (turn the other cheek, love the prodigal son, find the lost sheep)?
Has this kind of control mechanism been used on an individual, institutional, and systematic basis for as long as man has lived communally?
That is what I hope to find out.
Weaponized Forgiveness will not be a “how to” or “self-help” book. Instead, I plan to create a historical lesson and sociological study. I want to examine the roles that institutions and families—faith and government—individuals and mobs—peaceful protests and riots—play in creating the social norms and emotional health of individuals in the modern world.
In other words: why does forgiveness f*ck us up so much?
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Statute of limitations reform: A bittersweet, overwhelming success
This week, the US Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) reported that allegations of child sexual abuse in the Catholic Church TRIPLED in the past year.
There is only one reason for this huge increase in reports: Statute of Limitation Reform. Survivors in many states (California, New Jersey, New York, Arizona) now have the right to come forward in the courts to expose the men and women who abused them and the institutional actors who covered it up.
Let’s talk about the major questions this report raises:
Why didn’t these survivors come forward sooner?
They may have come forward years ago … but the church would never tell us.
We don’t know whether or not many of these survivors had previously come forward to church officials. The church was not under any legal scrutiny to come clean about reports until legal reforms forced the issue.
In other words, Catholic Church officials could have known about every single one of these reports. But it wasn’t until this year that survivors could force public disclosure through the justice system. Bishops have no choice now but to report the cases that have been filed in the courts.
The problem? We still don’t know how many other predators are still hidden because the survivors were abused in states with predator-friendly laws.
But these reports are “decades old.” Are they still relevant for child safety?
YES.
First, we know that it can take survivors of child sexual abuse (CSA) decades to come forward about the crime. CSA is a crime of shame and secrecy, and predators use every weapon in their arsenal (many times through predatory grooming) to ensure that victims stay silent just long enough for the predator to escape the law.
But here is what we also know: child sex predators do not retire. If it takes a survivor 20 years to come forward about the abuse, and the predator was 35 at the time of the crime, that means that the predator is only 55 years old now. Not only that, but the predator will most likely have a trail of dozens of other victims and 30 years of abuse ahead of him/her.
“Decades old” allegations are the ones that expose predators hiding in plain sight in YOUR neighborhood. Plus, the men and women who covered up the crime are still conducting “business as usual,” continuing to protect predators working with kids RIGHT NOW.
What about church-run compensation programs? Aren’t these exposing predators?
No. The church wrote these programs in a way that they have no obligation to publicly expose any of the credibly accused. They punted that responsibility to the victims.
Since most victims in the program are not represented by independent attorneys, they have little to no platform or support to have a press event and warn communities of the danger.
Why “Bittersweet?”
For every survivor who is brave enough to come forward and report, other children are made safer from abuse. The shame is that the church continues to refuse to come clean on its own and that predators and those who cover up the abuse are continuing to prey on the most vulnerable: our children.
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When your father is Father
In honor of Father’s Day, the LA Times published an essay by author Mimi Bull. The catch? Her father was a practicing Catholic priest.
No one reading the essay will be satisfied.
Mimi’s mother was forced into a life of secrecy and shame, unable to acknowledge the daughter she loved until Mimi was well into adulthood. Mimi was deprived of a father—only told that he was a priest well after his death, as well as the death of her mother.
And the priest? Well, we don’t know how old Mimi’s mother was from the essay (I have yet to read Mimi’s book). But regardless, whether Mimi’s mother was a minor or an adult, a priest is a man of ultimate power who, in the Catholic tradition, holds the keys to heaven. That’s an exploitive relationship. Mimi’s mother didn’t stand a chance.
The church certainly won’t be satisfied with the publication of this essay. Sure, Mimi’s mother and father kept their secret to the grave. But Mimi is living, breathing evidence of how children are sacrificed to keep up the appearances of the church.
I wish I could say that Mimi’s is an isolated experience. Unfortunately, I know numerous children of priests. Many of these men and women struggle with identity; are rejected, re-victimized, and marginalized by the church; and, often, are the product of child sexual abuse. Some children go on to discover that their priest father had numerous “families” and multiple children with many women.
When you very identity is wrapped in shame, how do you find wholeness and healing?
Bull’s essay is over-edited and simplified for publication. I believe that there was much more that she wanted to say—but this was a Father’s Day piece. There is a lot of love and forgiveness in her text. I am not so forgiving.
Here is my point: When a priest fathers a child, there are no winners. Everyone—especially the innocent child—is hurt. No one escapes damage.
There are support groups globally for children of priests. Even the Vatican has “secret guidelines” on how to address the issue.
If you are the child of a priest, you are not alone. You are not shameful. You are a perfect, beautiful human being. There is help and there are people available who want to listen.
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What role does Scientology have in covering up sex crimes?
Yesterday, Hollywood actor and Scientologist Danny Masterson was arrested and charged with raping three women.
Two other women have alleged that Masterson raped them, but because of expired statutes of limitations and/or insufficient evidence, the LA District Attorney’s office declined to press charges.
The victimization of these women did end at rape.
From The New York Times:
Tony Ortega, a former editor of The Village Voice, reported in 2017 that at least three of the women claimed they were pressured to keep quiet by the Church of Scientology, to which they and Masterson belonged. The Church of Scientology denied that it had pressured victims.
The charges of pressure by the church were repeated in a lawsuit filed last year against Masterson and the church by four women who have accused Masterson of rape. A lawyer for the plaintiffs, Robert Thompson, said the criminal charges against Masterson are closely related to the accusations made in the lawsuit by the women who said that after they accused Masterson of sexual assault, people associated with the church had stalked, threatened and surveilled them as they spoke out about their allegations. Three of the women had been personally involved with the church. (emphasis mine)
There are two things we need to know here. The first is the progression of criminal charges against Masterson. The allegations against him are horrible, and, if true, he must be held accountable.
The second thing we should keep on our radar screens is the civil litigation against the Church of Scientology. It may be put on hold until Masterson’s criminal case in completed (but I hope not).
We need to know the extent of the cover-up of abuse, rape, and harassment that goes on when a prominent Scientologist is accused of a crime. How many other victims of Scientologists have been harassed into fear and silence?
How many other predators have been protected by Dave Miscavige (the self-appointed leader of the Church of Scientology) and his henchmen?
If you want to report abuse in Scientology, it’s safe to come forward. You can do so anonymously. If you were abused, it is NOT your fault. If you are harassed by the Church of Scientology for speaking out, that’s a crime. The more people who speak up, the safer it will be for Scientology’s children, the vulnerable members of the SeaOrg, and the community at large.
If you don’t know who to talk to, you can always reach out to me.
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Can you help?
Do you have information on the following men:
Fr. Robert P. Byrne – Priest in the Archdiocese of Los Angeles. For you true crime nerds out there, he was the family priest of Manson Family victim Steven Parent. I do not know whether or not he is alive.
Edgar D. Cahn – May or may not have been a priest in the Archdiocese of Los Angeles. Left the bulk of his estate to Loyola Marymount University.
Any help is appreciated.
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EXCLUSIVE: Catholic composer accused of sexual battery worked with known predator for years
David Haas Haas also ran a music camp for teens called Music Ministry Alive, which according to Haas’ website, is “an international liturgical music formation effort for high school and college age youth.” (Both the Facebook group and the official website for Music Ministry Alive have been removed).
For followers of this blog, Music Ministry Alive (MMA) should ring a bell—and it got my attention immediately when reading about Haas.
Back in 2012, I wrote about how MMA was the music home of credibly accused former Hilo priest George De Costa. I even went to his former parish in Hilo, to talk to Catholics about the lawsuits. Locals knew that DeCosta was a predator, but the former cleric was running his own, non-church affiliated retreat center at the time. Outside of warning people and spreading the news about the lawsuits, there was little else that could be done.
By 2016, DeCosta had been sued for child sexual abuse by at least nine men.
But that didn’t stop Haas and MMA from working closely with DeCosta and singing his praises.
In a 2017 essay—reprinted in his 2018 book—Haas describes his yearly trips to Hilo to visit DeCosta and participate in the Big Island Liturgy and Arts Conference.
He says:
I love my annual visits to Hawaii, as each one calls to mind that first conference experience, this song, and the deepening of such important friendships. The song is dedicated to Fr. George; his passionate preaching, teaching, and witness of ministry is like the fire of the volcano—always stirring, never tiring, always convicted. I love every opportunity I have to be there. When I am not able to do so, I have to resort to watching the episodes of “Hawaii-Five-O” to keep me connected. Mahalo! (11.22.17)
From Haas’ website This is YEARS after DeCosta was the subject of at least nine sex abuse lawsuits.
MMA and Haas knew in 2012 about the allegations against DeCosta and the fact that he was removed from the priesthood. How do I know this? I TOLD THEM.
I wrote MMA a letter informing them of allegations and lawsuits, as well as asking that MMA officials inform all past participants and that DeCosta be banned from all future events.
Obviously, they didn’t listen and didn’t care.
What does this tell us?
The multiple allegations against Haas should surprise no one. In fact, I anticipate that as the “investigation” against Haas continues, we will learn that the women he preyed on were silenced for years. Why should Haas treat himself any differently than he treated De Costa?
This is a story that is all too familiar.
Did Haas come to your community?
Haas traveled extensively, performing and “mentoring” adults and youth. The following list was taken from his website.
If you or someone you know was potentially victimized by Haas, it’s safe to come forward and report.
ARIZONA
CALIFORNIA
St. Polycarp, Stanton, CA
Our Lady of Lourdes Church, Northridge, CA
St. John the Baptist Church, FolsomCOLORADO
Immaculate Conception Church, Lafayette, CO
FLORIDA
St. Jude the Apostle Cathedral, St. Petersburg, FL
Espiritu Santo Church, Safety Harbor, FLHAWAII
St. Rita’s Church, Nanakuli/Oahu, HI
Mystical Rose Oratory/Chaminade University, Honolulu, HIILLINOIS
St. Anne Catholic Community, Barrington, IL
St. Edna Church, Arlington Heights, IL
St. Linus Church, Oaklawn, IL
St. Nicholas Church, Evanston, ILIOWA
St. Pius Parish, Urbandale, IA
Our Lady’s Immaculate Heart Church, Ankeny, IA
St. Joseph Church, Jefferson, IAKENTUCKY
St. James Church, Elizabethtown, KY
MARYLAND
St. Ignatius of Loyola, Ijamsville, MD
St. Rose of Lima Church, Gaithersburg, MDMASSACHUSETTS
The Paulist Center, Boston, MA
St. Ignatius of Loyola Church/Boston CollegeMICHIGAN
Blessed Trinity Church, Frankenmuth, MI
St. Francis de Sales Church, Bridgeport, MIMINNESOTA
St. Cecelia’s Church, St. Paul, MN
St. Thomas the Apostle Church, Minneapolis, MN
The Spirit of St. Stephen’s Catholic Community, Minneapolis, MN
Mayflower United Church of Christ, Minneapolis, MN
St. Thomas Aquinas Church, St. Paul Park, MN
St. Katherine Drexel Church, Ramsey, MN
Nativity Episcopal Church, Burnsville, MN
St. Thomas Becket Church, Eagan, MN
St. Therese Church, Deephaven, MN
St. Ambrose of Woodbury Church, Woodbury, MN
Nativity Lutheran Church, Roseville/St. Anthony, MNMISSOURI
Most Sacred Heart Church, Eureka,
St. Francis Xavier College Church/St. Louis University, St. Louis, MO
Nativity of Mary Church, Independence, MO
Sts. Joachim and Ann Church, St. Charles, MONEW HAMPSHIRE
Corpus Christi Church, Portsmouth, NH
NEW JERSEY
St. Anselm Church, Tinton Falls, NJ
Sts. Peter and Paul Church, Hoboken, NJNEW MEXICO
Our Lady of the Most Holy Rosary, Albuquerque, NM
NEW YORK
St. Francis of Assisi Church, New York
St. Pius X Church, Rochester, NY
Newman Center for Rochester Institute of Technology, Rochester, NY
Transfiguration Church, Pittsford, NYNEVADA
St. Anthony of Padua Church, Las Vegas, NV
Guardian Angel Cathedral, Las Vegas, NVNORTH CAROLINA
Christ Lutheran Church, Charlotte, NC
OHIO
Corpus Christi University Church, Toledo, OH
Blessed Sacrament Church, Warren, OH
St. Charles Borromeo Church, Kettering, OHOKLAHOMA
St. John Nepomuk Church, Yukon, OK
OREGON
Christ the Teacher Chapel/University of Portland, Portland, OR
PENNSYLVANIA
St. Kilian Church, Cranberry Township, PA
St. Benedict the Abbot Church, McMurray, PA
Holy Cross Church, Fairview, PARHODE ISLAND
Christ the King Church, Kingston, RI
TEXAS
Most Blessed Sacrament Church, Arlington, TX
St. Clare of Assisi Church, Houston, TX
Chapel of the Incarnate Word/University of the Incarnate Word, San Antonio, TXVIRGINIA
Immaculate Conception Parish, Hampton, VA
WASHNGTON DC
St. Teresa of Avila Church, Anacostia, DC
Holy Trinity Church, GeorgetownWASHINGTON STATE
St. Patricks’s Church, Seattle, WA
WEST VIRGINIA
All Saints Church, Bridgeport, WV
St. Michael Church, Wheeling, WVCANADA
St. John’s Anglican Church, West Toronto, ON
Sisters of St. Joseph of Carondelet/St. Paul Province; St. Paul, MN
Christian Brothers of the Midwest; Burr Ridge, IL
School Sisters of Notre Dame/Central Pacific Province
The Servants of Jesus; Saginaw, MI
Sisters of Charity of Seton Hill; Greensburg, PA
Sisters of Providence of St. Mary-of-the-Woods
Sisters, Servants of the Immaculate Heart of Mary; Monroe, MI
Conventual Franciscan Friars / Province of Our Lady of Consolation
The Crosier Fathers & Brothers; Onamia, MN
Maryknoll Sisters; Ossining, NY
Marianist Brothers & Priests/Chaminade Unversity; Honolulu, HI
Adrian Dominican Sisters; Adrian, MI
Sisters of the Presentation of the Blessed Virgin Mary; Aberdeen, SD
Sisters of the Order of St. Benedict; St. Joseph, MN
Grand Rapids Dominican Sisters; Grand Rapids, MI
Capuchin Franciscans Province of St. Joseph
St. John’s Abbey (Benedictine); Collegeville, MN
Poor Handmaids of Jesus Christ; Donaldson, IN
Congregation of the Humility of Mary; Davenport, IA
Carmelite Monastery, Traverse City, MI
Conventual Franciscans / Holy Cross Retreat Center, Mesilla Park, NM
Franciscan Sisters, Wheaton, IL
Camaldolese Benedictine Monks, Big Sur, CA
Franciscan Sisters, Little Falls, MN
Franciscan Sisters, Dubuque, IA -
Colorado: Refusing to settle for a second rate law
Legislative work can be complicated. Take my word for it. And sometimes the hardest decision to make is the best one: if a law protects predators, it’s not a good law.
That is what happened in Colorado. And Colorado did the right thing.
Yesterday, the sponsors of a potential law to help future victims of child sexual abuse decided to pull the bill. The move caused confusion and disappointment among advocacy groups, but the sponsors knew they had a solid reason.
The pulled bill—Colorado HB 1296—only applied to survivors in the future. That’s called a “prospective” bill. What the bill didn’t do—and what sponsor state Senator Julie Gonzales realized was the essential element—was open the courthouse doors for past victims of abuse.
Why is this so important?
A damning report on the cover-up of sexual abuse in Colorado showed that for decades, Catholic Church officials knew that predator priests were targeting kids and did nothing, lied to parents and communities, or helped foster the abuse.
The Special Masters Report was a bombshell, exposing 70 years of child sexual abuse in the state. Twenty-six new predators were exposed, and another 11 were described, but not named.
In one of the cases, one of the most prolific Colorado predators—Fr. Harold White—wrote to the Denver archbishop while in treatment after abusing his ~25th victim. He told the archbishop he was considering giving up the priesthood. The archbishop, according to the report, “talked him out of it” (Page 133, ix). Instead, the archbishop sent White to Sterling, Colorado, a farming community on the eastern plains. He went on to abuse at least 38 more children throughout his career.
White’s story is horrific. But what is worse is what we DON’T know. We don’t know who the 11 unidentified predator priests in the report are.
We don’t know if there are predators still in ministry.
We don’t know if there were priests, nuns, volunteers, or teachers removed from ministry or jobs for preying on kids, and then sent into YOUR community with a letter of recommendation and a smile.
The only way we can find out—and protect children who are at risk RIGHT NOW—is to allow the victims from yesterday to use the courts to expose predators and cover-up.
The vehicle to do that is called a “civil window,” and Gonzales is pulling her bill until she gets it.
Do civil windows work?
Yes.
Right now (even in the midst of COVID and protests against racial injustice), civil windows are working for victims. New York, New Jersey, Arizona and California currently have active windows, and when the courts are open, dozens of predators (and cover-up) are exposed weekly. Hawaii’s recent civil window exposed dozens and dozens of predators across the state, including at the prestigious Punahou School.
Many of the accused are still priests or religious or teachers or camp counselors or scout leaders, etc., in schools and communities and still active with children. Even if the predator is dead, the system that protected him/her still thrives.
If you don’t expose those who cover-up and foster the evil, is there truly change? If survivors cannot expose the abusers among us right now, how are we keeping children any safer?
A bill that ignores yesterday’s survivors is dangerous and gives a false sense of security to parents and community members. Plus, once a weak bill is passed, legislators seldom, if ever, want to go back and “fix things.”
To expose predators and cover-up, we need to do it right.
Colorado’s lawmakers did the hard—and correct—thing. And next year, we will get the bill that saves children, exposes predators, and stops the cover-up.
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When adversity is your gift
There are voices that have been silenced—or simply ignored—in the clergy sex abuse crisis.
We have known for years that “priest dumping” has been a common practice in the Catholic Church: bishops and other officials send white, English-speaking predator priests to indigenous, refugee, or immigrant communities, or communities of color. These communities are devoutly Catholic. These can be communities where language, fear, and cultural barriers keep children from having the words to tell their parents what is happening to them.
These are communities where poverty, food insecurity, language barriers, immigration fears, and/or flat-out racism ensure the silence of victims.
Because the church knows: when the Catholic Church is feeding you, helping you, baptizing and burying your family members, and keeping your family members’ spirits up, victims will learn quickly that no one wants to hear about them. And if they do speak, those who listen will punish the victim—if they bother to listen at all.
And then there is the shame.
When I first came forward in 2003, there were very few Latinx victims who were willing to talk about what happened. Much has changed in 17 years.
For the very Catholic Vietnamese community in the United States, that silence has continued.
Until now.
Carolee Tran is the first Vietnamese immigrant to earn a PhD in clinical psychology in the United States. She received her doctorate from Boston University and completed her internship at Harvard.
She is a refugee who came to the United States as a grade schooler who knew no English.
She is also the survivor of sexual abuse (in the United States) at the hands of a “trusted” priest.
Her book is a must-read. And a must-share.
You can read more about Carolee here. Her book is available for purchase here:
You can hear her on Capitol Public Radio (Sacramento, CA) here, and read more about the non-clergy abuse part of her story here.
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What’s going on in California?
Yesterday, I wrote about the Child Sex Abuse Civil Window cases that are beginning to flood the New York judicial system as the courts reopen.
But what about California?
There has been little news about California’s Child Victims’ Act cases because the courts have been closed for filings (a “court holiday”) and/or are only beginning to partially reopen.
This does not mean, however, that there are no cases. In fact, I have talked to dozens of California survivors during the quarantine who are considering legal action, in the process of filing a case, or interviewing attorneys.
Independent Compensation Program
The deadline for the Independent Compensation Program was March 31, and the six participating dioceses (Los Angeles, Fresno, Orange, Sacramento, San Diego, San Bernardino) have not made any public announcements since the COVID “shelter in place” order.
While I am not a fan of these programs (because they allow cover-up to continue), many survivors have found them to be a healing process. If you are participating in a California ICP, feel free to reach out to me here.
Bankruptcy
Will some of California’s dioceses declare bankruptcy? I would not be surprised.
Wealthy dioceses such as Orange (who recently spent $72 million renovating the former Crystal Cathedral, which the diocese purchased for $57 million in 2012) can possibly absorb the costs of hundreds of lawsuits. Dioceses without such resources, such as Sacramento and Fresno, may seek protection in the bankruptcy courts.
Bankruptcy does not mean that the dioceses have no money. In fact, dioceses and religious orders across the country who have used bankruptcy as a tactic have emerged from the process in a healthy and sound financial position.
I wish we could say the same for survivors and their health.
What should survivors do?
Justice and accountability should never be forced to the back seat. If you were sexually abused as a child in California, it’s a-ok to talk to people, look at your options, and move forward with exercising your rights. Don’t let COVID and concerns about racial injustice stop you.
The more you help yourself, the more you can help others.
No one stood up for us. But we can stand up for kids today and demand accountability.
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Re-opening of NY courts exposes 11 newly accused clerics
Eleven priests who have not appeared on any lists of accused clerics—either court documents, diocese lists, or press reports—have been named as alleged predators in new lawsuits filed against the Catholic Archdiocese of New York this week.
The 11 were named in a press release today, which also announced 59 new lawsuits.
The priests publicly accused for the first time are:
Father Gerald Boyle, accused of sexually abusing a minor from approximately 1969 to 1970 at St. John’s in Goshen, NY
Father Francis Doersam, accused of sexually abusing a minor in approximately 1964 at St. Joseph’s in New York, NY
Father Joseph Faraone, accused of sexually abusing a minor from approximately 1973 to 1976 at St. Francis of Assisi in Mount Kisco, NY
Father Robert E. Gallagher, accused of sexually abusing a minor in approximately 1967 at Sacred Heart of Jesus in New York, NY
Father Tilak Jayawardene, accused of sexually abusing a minor from approximately 1983 to 1986 at Our Lady of Solace in Bronx, NY
Father James Kenny, accused of sexually abusing a minor from approximately 1970 to 1971 at St. Michael’s Home in Staten Island, NY
Father John Larkin, accused of sexually abusing a minor from approximately 1977 to 1979 at Sacred Heart in Mount Vernon, NY
Father George W. Moore, accused of sexually abusing a minor in approximately 1959, while at St. Mary in Wappinger Falls, NY
Father Peter Raich, accused of sexually abusing a minor from approximately 1980 to 1985 at St. Francis de Sales in New York, NY
Father Alfonso Solimene, accused of sexually abusing a minor from approximately 1969-1971 at St. Joan of Arc in Bronx, NY
Father Robert Trainor, accused of sexually abusing a minor from approximately 1970 to 1972 at St. Rose of Lima in New York, NY
Why is this important?
Cardinal Dolan and the Archdiocese of New York have used their Independent Reconciliation and Compensation Plan (IRCP) since 2017/18 to compensate victims of child sexual abuse by diocesan priests.
We do not know if any of the men listed above were named by survivors in their IRCP claims.
Why?
It shouldn’t be that way. The church should be and do better. But then, why should we expect anything different?
If anyone has information about lawsuits, IRCP settlements, or accused clerics in NY, feel free to contact me here.
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“Can’t you just let it go?”
In my talks to groups, I always try to impress on people how child sexual abuse destroys communities. When a predator undermines family and community bonds to target a child, the ripples of sexual abuse damage radiate farther than the child victim.
It happened in my case—affecting (and destroying) my family, my peers, and the school community where the abuse was covered-up.
But I have not seen anything like I saw in this article in the Saint Cloud Times, about my friend, Billy Dinkel.
He was recently profiled in the St. Cloud Times, but it was this excerpt that grabbed me.
Billy met or talked by phone with Times’ journalists more than five times in the last year. Reporters examined court records and interviewed Billy’s therapist, wife and many experts in an attempt to corroborate his story. One of his brothers provided a limited interview to the Times, three siblings declined to speak on the record, two other relatives (nephews) declined to comment and several others did not respond to the Times.
No one contradicted Billy’s story of sexual abuse, nor would anyone comment on the record about who may have known of the abuse as it happened. (emphasis mine)
In other words: it happened and his family just wants him to stop talking about it.
Billy won’t stop talking; and he shouldn’t. Telling him things like “Just let it go” or “Forgive and move on” are only tools to perpetuate silence and more abuse.
May Billy stay loud and may he help ensure that other families and other communities are not destroyed like his were.
