The Worthy Adversary

Category: Child safety

Guam: When ordinary people do extraordinary things

I hate watching sports … but I LOVE stories about sports.

The minutiae about how any particular game is played is usually lost on me. For me, going to a live sporting event is about the spectacle, not the stats or the rules.

But give me a documentary, movie, book, magazine article, or TV show about the PEOPLE in and behind the games, and I’m mesmerized. These stories draw me in because they are about ordinary people who do extraordinary things. These stories take place in a world—our world—where ANYTHING is possible. There are no victims and there is no pity. This is a world full of vision, enthusiasm, dreams, hope, love, and the value of tenacity.

Which brings me to a small island in the Western Pacific: Guam—an island full of ordinary people doing very extraordinary things. These people aren’t athletes—they are Catholics fighting to take back their church, their faith, and their reputations.

I went to Guam in 2010. Survivors on the island had asked me to come there and reach out to other survivors who felt like it was not safe to come forward and report. The Archbishop of Hagatna, Anthony Sablan Apuron—according to Catholics and critics—was perceived as a bully who scared and shamed victims into silence. So, for some sex abuse victims in the Archdiocese of Hagatna (the only diocese on Guam), coming forward and reporting abuse was tantamount to career and reputation suicide. For the rest, it was suicide.

So when Guam legislators passed a 2011 civil window that allowed sex abuse victims to come forward and use the civil courts to sue their abuser (but not the Archdiocese), victims didn’t come forward … it was just too risky.

Fast forward to 2014. This is where the story really begins. (Note: this story is SO complex and complicated, I know I’m going to miss some of the big points. But the story is still pretty darned juicy.)

Local Catholics, led by trail blazers such as Tim Rohr (a man Apuron had recruited to discredit me in 2010) and Fr. Matthew Blockley, decided that they had had enough. Apuron was pushing the Neocatechumenal Way, a lay movement within the church that according to John Allen, Jr., is “playing fast and loose with both Church teaching and the liturgical rules, fostering a cult of personality, and dividing parishes by insisting that members attend their own Saturday evening services rather than the usual Sunday Mass.”

But there was more. According to Rohr, Apuron was punishing his critics by firing them and “cutting fast and loose” with their reputations. Even worse, the group found out that a member of Apuron’s inner circle, John Wadeson, was a twice-accused priest that had been banned from San Francisco and Los Angeles. Blockley and Rohr (who was now an ally) reached out to me and SNAP to help expose the priest. After the story went national, Apuron finally forced Wadeson to quit.

Rohr and Blockley weren’t done. They blasted Apuron for financial mismanagement. They demanded a voice in how the Archdiocese was run. They demanded to know why Apuron was pushing out his critics inside the chancery. Rohr empowered John Toves, a relative of an alleged sex abuse victim of Apuron himself, to come forward and publicly talk about what he knows. Rohr’s website was flooded with local supporters and international readers (many of whom were within the Vatican itself).

Other people started to stand up. A group of local Catholics started a nonprofit called Concerned Catholics of Guam. The group’s purpose is to empower the laity and to achieve financial transparency in the Archdiocese. Soon after, John Toves came to Guam to try and speak with the Archbishop. He was told he would be arrested if he came onto church property.

Then, Apuron fired Deacon Steve Martinez, the man who had demanded that Apuron’s handling of the Wadeson case be held up to Vatican scrutiny. Rohr and his supporters blasted the move, exposing the fact that Martinez was being ousted for upholding the sex abuse policies of the Archdiocese—policies that Apuron allegedly wanted to ignore.

The Guam Archbishop’s veneer of respectability had almost completely disintegrated.

Then came the coup de gras. Yesterday, December 19, the Vatican announced that the Archdiocese of Hagatna would be the subject of an “Apostolic Visit” during the first week of January 2015. Apuron did his best to spin the visit, but the real reason of any Apostolic Visit isn’t so happy: The visitor is sent to investigate a special circumstance in a diocese or country and to submit a report to the Holy See at the conclusion of the investigation.

As a result, a seemingly panicked Apuron has decided that Martinez could stay in his position until January 12, after the Apostolic Visitor had returned to the Vatican.

Catholics on Guam are fighting … and right now, they are winning. This is something that NEVER happens. Apuron has few, if any, vocal supporters and the Vatican has taken notice. Even if the Pope decides to take no action whatsoever (which is a huge possibility), Guam’s Catholics have already struck a huge victory. It’s a real Cinderella story (to borrow a well-worn sports cliche) and it’s still unfolding.

I suggest you keep this team on your radar. They are doing extraordinary things, and we should all be watching.

December 20, 2014
Bill Cosby, Jerry Brown, and a lawsuit

If I were Bill Cosby, I wouldn’t tweet thank yous to Jill Scott and Whoopi Goldberg. I’d be visiting Sacramento and planting a great big kiss on the lips of California Governor Jerry Brown.

Why? Because Jerry Brown vetoed a bill that would have given civil rights to Cosby’s alleged victims who were under the age of 18 at the time of the abuse. Had Brown not vetoed the legislation, these women would have been able to use the civil courts to expose Cosby, depose witnesses under oath, gather evidence, and seek justice.

Cosby loves him some Jerry Brown

But the good news is that despite Brown’s 2013 veto, there is a lawsuit. A very brave woman named Judy Huth filed her case in Los Angeles County Superior Court, saying that Cosby drugged and raped her at the Playboy mansion when Hutt was only 15 years old. The alleged abuse took place in the 1970s.

The suit, filed by an Orange County attorney, says that Huth CAN use the civil courts, despite the amount of time that has passed since the abuse. According to USA Today:

Huth, now 55, suggests the statute of limitations be waived because she discovered “her psychological injuries and illnesses were caused by the sexual abuse perpetrated by Cosby” within the past three years.

This is going to be tough to prove. California has some pretty bad precedent when it comes to these kinds of cases, most significantly, the Quarry decision. That ruling, which came down in 2012, said that six brothers abused by an Oakland priest waited too long to file their lawsuits.

Jerry Brown—He loves the Cos

Huth is represented by an attorney named Marc Strecker. From what I can gather, Strecker has little to no experience in child sex abuse cases that have to battle civil statutes of limitations. I’m sure that he is a good man and a good attorney, but for Huth’s sake and the sake of hundreds of other older victims, I hope Strecker gets good co-counsel who is well-versed in child sex abuse statute of limitations issues. Going in alone and unarmed will not only destroy Huth’s chances at justice, but it will hurt the entire child sex abuse justice movement in California. (If you’re reading this Marc, I suggest you give me a call)

In other news, Gloria Allred held a press conference yesterday with some of Cosby’s other alleged victims. I am overjoyed that Allred gave them protection and a platform to talk about what happened to them. These women have been shamed into silence for far too long. I can’t even image what they have gone through.

December 4, 2014
Celebrity nude photos and … your teenager

The celebrity nude photo “scandal” is old news these days. But in case you missed it: dozens of celebrities’ iCloud accounts were hacked and nude photos in those accounts were stolen and published on various internet sites.

Hacking is a crime, and having your privacy violated in such a personal way can be devastating to the celebrities whose photos were leaked.

But it’s not just celebrities who are taking nude or sexually charged photos of themselves. All a teen or preteen needs is a smart phone and a little privacy to take a single photo that can have horrible and life-long consequences.

So, what do you tell your teenager?

1) Be bigger than a celebrity: take responsibility for your body and your digital identity.

Celebrities have three advantages here: They are the only people who can use nude photos to advance their careers, they have an instant soapbox (their publicist and Twitter) to voice their outrage, and they got tons of great publicity.

Your teen does not have those advantages. In fact, if nude photos are shared or leaked or hacked, they can limit or ruin your teen’s chance of getting into college, getting a great job, or having a relationship with someone they really care about. And no one is going to listen when your teen complains.

Tell your teen this: “Only YOU can protect your digital identity. Understand that every photo you take: whether you be drinking, naked, volunteering with the homeless, or vandalizing public property becomes public the second you hit SEND or SAVE. Before you take any photo, think to yourself: Would I want this photo passed around the Thanksgiving dinner table or published on the portal of your school’s website?”

2) It’s not a matter of trust.

Your teen may say, “But I trust my boyfriend. He would never share any of these photos.” And if you try to tell your teen the truth (Just wait until you break up or he gets mad), you will probably hit a stone wall.

So say this: What if your boyfriend’s parents monitor or look at his phone? What if his little brother gets a hold of it? What if it’s lost, stolen, or hacked? What if your boyfriend has an ex who is really mad and takes his phone and spreads the photos? What if the photos are accidentally sent to the wrong person? What if your boyfriend is looking at them and someone takes a picture of the photo? What if he loans the phone to someone to make a call or send a text and that person sees the photos and/or sends them out?

3) Don’t take nude photos of yourself.

Your teen is not a celebrity. Your teen is a beautiful, wonderful person who deserves dignity and privacy. Your teen is also growing into becoming a responsible adult who needs to understand that actions can have many consequences, some of which may not be good.

Tell your teen: Just don’t do it. The only one who can protect your digital identity is YOU.

November 12, 2014
Internet Safety: Five tips for parents
The Internet puts the world at your child’s fingertips. With a few clicks of a keyboard, the swipe of a phone, or the tap of a iPod or tablet, your child can bring the beauty of the world to the palm of her hand. Unfortunately, this same power allows your child to invite predators directly into his bedroom.

Online predators target victims who are susceptible to grooming—good kids from good homes, with good parents, and good futures ahead of them. Don’t lull yourself with a false sense of security by thinking, “My kid would never fall prey to someone online.” It can happen and it does happen every day.

But don’t stress out or immediately throw away everything in your home that receives a wifi signal. There are safe and simple things you can do to make your child a “hard target” for online predators.

Here are five tips to get you started:

1) Monitor, monitor, and monitor.

Your kids should not have an expectation of privacy when it comes to technology. Make it perfectly clear that you will and do read their texts and emails. Tell them that you will track where they go on the internet, and if you use monitoring software, don’t keep it a secret. Also monitor all social media and know exactly what apps are on your kid’s computer, phone or tablet.

2) Set house rules and stick to them.

Some of the rules can and should include:
- No technology in bedrooms, especially technology with cameras.
- No cell phones in rooms at night. Not only will this take away opportunity for a predator to engage in “private” conversations with your child, but taking the phone away at night will allow your child to get undistracted sleep.
3) Understand grooming

Online grooming is very similar to grooming that occurs in person. And since online grooming takes place at home—maybe even in the child’s room—the victim already has her guard down. She may be more likely to open up to someone online and divulge secrets, impart trust, and fall victim to a predator.

What are the signs of online grooming?
- The child is given money or gifts, including cell phones.
- Flattery and manipulation – The predator may write things like “No one loves you or understands you like I do.” Or they may always side with the child when there is conflict between the child and her parents.
- Sharing and keeping secrets online
- Sexualized conversations or sending and receiving nude or sexualized photos.
If you see any of these things, contact the police.

4) Remember: Unless you know the person in real life, assume that no one is who they say they are.

If your child gravitates towards sites like Disney, Nick Jr., and other sites where kids can “talk to their friends,” where do you think that predators who like children will go? Also be careful of multi-player games where your child can play online with people he or she does not know.

Tell your older children that the “hot” guy or girl who just friended them on social media is probably a 45-year-old, overweight dude living in his mom’s basement. And no matter how caring, sexy, or fun that person is, they are probably not who they say they are, ESPECIALLY if they want a teen or pre-teen to send photos, make videos, or talk about sex.

5) Have a frank discussion with older children about photos, sexting and the permanence of the internet.

The Internet is permanent. Be perfectly (and age appropriately) frank with your child. Tell him that any photo he takes and sends over the internet, anything posted on social media, and anything said via text or email will last forever (even if an app promises to make things “disappear”). Tell your teen that no matter how much they love and trust a boy/girlfriend, NEVER take or share nude or semi-nude photos. There is a strong chance that those clearly identifiable photos will end up on pornography sites.

Make it perfectly clear that you do not want your child’s digital legacy to be nude or graphic photos or videos, photos of drinking or drug use, criminal behavior, or anything that can jeopardize your child’s safety and future.
October 22, 2014
What do you do when a friend says, “I was abused as a child”

Stephen Collins, TV star and (alleged) admitted child predator

With the recent news about 7th Heaven star Stephen Collins, everyone is talking a little bit more than usual about child sexual abuse. As the Collins story is unveiled and we learn more details, chances are that many adult victims of child sexual abuse—victims who were too scared or ashamed to come forward earlier—may confide in you or someone you know that they have been abused.

What do you do?

1) Tell the person that you are sorry and that the abuse was NOT his or her fault.

2) Openly acknowledge that what happened was a crime.

3) Do NOT say things like:

“Why didn’t you tell earlier?”

“You WERE 16. You should have known better.”

“Where were your parents?”

“But you were a boy and she was a woman. That’s not abuse.” (Note: IT IS)

“Why didn’t you fight/say no?”

“But you DID have a crush on the teacher/coach/priest.”

“Are you just after the big payout?”

4) Do not blame the victim for coming forward, breaking down, or triggering at big events (such as weddings or parties) or at a time that is inconvenient for you. It’s not because the victim is being manipulative or trying to “ruin things” for everyone else. Usually, it’s because the person finally feels safe enough to talk. Embrace the victim, tell him or her that s/he has your support, and work on finding a time that you can really devote your attention to the survivor.

5) Set boundaries. Tell the survivor you can help him or her get treatment, find support groups, and/or call the police and report the crime. But remember that you cannot “save” or “cure” the victim.

6) If the crime is recent or a child tells you he or she has been sexually abused, dial 911. If the crime is not recent, but you suspect that children are still in danger of abuse, report to law enforcement. The best places to start are ChildHelp and the National Child Abuse Helpline and the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN). They will ask you questions about what you know, guide you through the process, and help you report the crime to the right authorities. You may also want to research the criminal and civil statutes of limitations for child sex crimes in your state. There may be a possibility that you can help expose a predator and/or put him or her behind bars. If other victims of the predator have come forward, call the law enforcement agency that has been investigating the crimes.

7) Understand that you may also need to talk to someone. Vicarious trauma (the pain you feel when you deal with others who are hurting) is real. If you find that you need to, talk to a counselor.

8) Finally, tell the survivor that he or she is brave and that you are proud of him/her. I know of men and women who did not disclose their abuse until they were in their 60s and 70s, because they were wracked with shame, self-hatred, fear, and guilt. Other victims wait for their parents to die because they don’t want to be the one to tell that a beloved priest, friend, sister, or uncle was an abuser. Affirm that the victim is a good person and that you are happy that they are talking.

This list is not complete, but it is a good start. For more information, visit RAINN, MaleSurvivor, SNAP – The Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests, The National Center for Victims of Crime, or other groups that focus on survivor healing and justice. And consider donating to these groups, so that they can continue their wonderful work.

October 13, 2014