Author: Joelle Casteix

  • Using “healing” to end the conversation … when the conversation is far from over

     

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    Here’s a hypothetical:

    Your boss borrows your car and runs over your beloved dog Rover in the company’s parking garage. When your boss returns the car, you ask him about your dead dog and the blood stains all over the bumper. He denies all knowledge.

    When confronted with video surveillance footage, your boss finally admits that he did run over your dog, but claims that “he thought he did the right thing for you and Rover.” He is not fired. In fact, he is backed up by the company and remains in his job for three more years, where he supervises your work and is your “go-between” to higher management.

    You can’t quit because you are under contract.

    After those three years, your boss resigns. But he keeps his paycheck and gets to go on all of the company golf outings free of charge.

    Soon after the resignation and well-publicized golf outings, your company invites you to come to a “healing meeting” where you are invited to heal from the pain of losing your dog. Your boss is invited, too. The company will be collecting donations for the “coffee fund” at the meeting, so attendees are asked to bring their checkbooks.

    Your company also invites the press. When the press calls you about the meeting, you tell them that you aren’t going. You are portrayed in the media as angry and ungrateful for not participating.

    Ridiculous? You bet it is.

    But let’s switch out a few things … say, using Kansas City/St. Joseph as an example … and see how perception changes:

    Your bishop knows that a priest in your parish has created child pornography involving your child and does not call the police.

    Fmr KC/St. Joseph Bishop Robert Finn: Call the cops? Nah. I might miss my tee time.
    Fmr KC/St. Joseph Bishop Robert Finn: Call the cops? Nah. I might miss my tee time.

    When confronted by the police, the bishop says that he did the right thing for the priest and the children involved. The police don’t buy his argument and arrest the bishop. He later pleads guilty to child endangerment and is sentenced to probation.

    The bishop is not fired from his job and is supported by his fellow bishops and the Vatican. But you’re rightfully angry. If you stop going to church and receiving the sacraments, your faith tells you that your eternal life is at risk. Remember: you’re under contract.

    Cardinal Timothy Dolan: Defended convicted bishop
    Cardinal Timothy Dolan: Defended convicted bishop

    The bishop finally resigns, but is allowed to do all of the fun stuff like keep his title, collect a paycheck, live in a fancy house, go to Rome and perform public ordinations.

    After the resignation, the bishop’s successor holds a “healing Mass” and invites you to attend. When you say, “Hell, no. There has been no accountability within your organization,” people say you are callous and unforgiving.

    See?

    Anchoring the argument with “healing”

    The conversation about sexual abuse and cover-up in Kansas City-St. Joseph is far from over, but by throwing out the word “healing,” interim Archbishop Joseph Naumann is slamming the door shut on discussion, reform, change, and accountability.

    Archbishop Joseph Naumann: Slap on a band-aid and open up those checkbooks, m'kay?
    Archbishop Joseph Naumann: Slap on a band-aid and open up those checkbooks, m’kay?

    Basically, he’s saying, “We healed and offered the victims healing. It’s time to move on (and raise money).”

    Really, that’s the gist of what he said:

    [Naumann]’s encouraging the grieving and still angry parishioners to reach toward their faith.

    “I think we need to ask the Lord to help each of us to heal. There are people who have experienced wounds on both sides,” Naumann said in an interview Monday at the Diocese headquarters in downtown Kansas City.

    “A great resource is our prayer. Prayer can be helpful to become focused on moving forward and not (revisiting) those things in the past,” Naumann says, “unless we can learn from them.”

    “At this point,” he says, “if there are people who chose not to give because of Bishop Finn’s leadership, this may be a moment to re-examine that.”

    Why the anchor is false

    Minnesota Public Radio reporter Madeleine Baran made a very interesting point about the term “healing” at the 2015 SNAP conference in Washington DC.

    Peabody Award winner Madeleine Baran
    Peabody Award winner Madeleine Baran

    She remarked that groups who are in the wrong (and the journalists who cover them) will use the word “healing” as a way to end an argument or story arc and create the “next phase,” even if the story arc hasn’t finished.

    Even if there has been no accountability.

    Even if the group does not have the moral authority to determine healing times for those they have hurt.

    My suggestion? I encourage Archbishop Naumann to hold “meetings of accountability ” and “prayers for reform.”

    Healing can’t happen when a wound is still infected with cover-up.

    And the story? It’s far from over.

     

  • Goodreads Signed Book Giveaway!

    The Well-Armored Child: A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Sexual Abuse is ALMOST HERE!

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    Enter NOW by clicking the link below or visiting Goodreads to win your free signed copy.

    Well … the contest starts April 12 and closes the day the book is released: September 15. So be sure to enter on August 12.

    Spread the word!

    Goodreads Book Giveaway

    The Well-Armored Child by Joelle Casteix

    The Well-Armored Child

    by Joelle Casteix

    Giveaway ends September 15, 2015.

    See the giveaway details
    at Goodreads.

    Enter Giveaway

  • Monitor the Xbox: A textbook example

     

    From HLN: Jessica Carlton, 44, had been communicating with the 13-year-old victim over the Xbox
    From HLN: Jessica Carlton, 44, had been communicating with the 11-year-old victim over the Xbox

     

    I am always telling parents the importance of keeping all Internet-enabled devices in common areas of the home. Many parents challenge me on this—telling me that they trust their child.

    It’s not a matter of trust. It’s a matter of child safety. Here’s why:

    From HLN:

    A Michigan woman is accused of having an inappropriate relationship with an 11-year-old boy for more than a year after meeting him on Xbox Live …

    Carlton gave the boy clothes, debit cards, and jewelry, the prosecutor added.

    The expensive gifts are one of the top symptoms of grooming (how a predator manipulates a child into becoming a sex abuse victim – learn more here).

    If your child is receiving expensive or inappropriate gifts from an adult (especially an adult you don’t know), take action immediately.

    In the meantime, talk to your child about Internet safety, monitor your child’s texts, and empower your child with information about grooming and sexual abuse. It is never okay for an adult to be sexual with a child or teen. And yes, women abuse.

     

  • A question for Cupich: When does “Zero Tolerance” begin?

    A question for Chicago Archbishop Blaise Cupich
    A question for Chicago Archbishop Blaise Cupich

     

    In light of the upcoming Papal visit to the U.S., I have a question:

    When does Zero Tolerance begin?

    Here are some hypotheticals to help illustrate my question:

    • If you found out that a new priest in your parish had admitted to his superiors (but not the parish) that he had sexually abused a child, would you be upset?
    • What if you found out that the abuse occurred before the priest had been ordained?
    • What if the archbishop told your parish and other parishes that the abuse was a “consensual dating relationship?”
    • What if you found out that the priest had been a teenager when he sexually abused a seven-year-old boy?
    • What if you knew that another archdiocese had kicked the priest out, citing Zero Tolerance?
    • What if you found out that despite the admission, your local archbishop gave this priest faculties in your archdiocese (that is, permission to act as a priest) and the archbishop said that the priest was not a risk to children?

    Would you be upset? Would you want this priest around your children? 

    So when does Zero Tolerance begin? Does it begin at ordination? Does it begin at puberty? Does is begin at birth?

    These are questions we should all be asking in Chicago.

    ** and a note: if any priests are quietly removed without the full truth, that’s definitely not Zero Tolerance.

     

  • Fairfax VA church “Care Director” is outed as a violent sex offender. Guess what happens next …

     

    Amy Smith is a hell of a blogger and advocate for victims of sexual abuse in Protestant churches. A few weeks ago, she discovered that the “Care Director” at Fairfax (VA) Community Church is a registered violent sex offender.

     

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    What happened afterward is shocking.

    Here’s a teaser: in their defense of sex offender Eric Nickle, they gave away the identity of his victim.

    Read the whole thing here.