My latest piece in the Generation X: Are You There God, It’s Me blog focuses on the Duggars and five things we can all do to prevent and identify child-on-child abuse.
You can read it here.
Category: Shameless Plugs
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Helping the supporters
I had the opportunity to work with a very strong and brave group of clergy sex abuse survivors over the weekend.
Two things struck me:
- Their total bravery and willingness to grow beyond trauma, and
- Their compassion for friends and family members who want to be loving and helpful, but don’t know what to say or do.
I brought copies of The Compassionate Response with me. The response? Pretty awesome. I had no idea how much of a need there is for this kind of book.
If you know someone who loves a survivor and wants to help, pick him or her up a copy. It’s a short read and worth the time.
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TEDx PasadenaWomen
Katie, bar the door: I have been invited to speak at TEDx PasadenaWomen. To say I am excited would be an understatement. Achieving this kind of goal—speaking in front of engaged and visionary women at a TEDx event—has been mind-blowing.
What will I be talking about? Well, that’s a secret.
What is TEDx PasadenaWomen? Here’s what the organizers have to say about the event:
Here in Pasadena, we are hosting an independently run event that will take place May 30, 2015 and will be aligned with the May 27, 28, 29 TEDWomen experience taking place in Monterey, California. Our local event will feature at least one recorded talk from the Monterey sessions but will focus primarily on live presentations from those in and around Pasadena. The theme, Momentum, will serve as the umbrella for the whole of our event from the speakers to the setting to the swag bags to the invitations. TEDxPasadenaWomen will transform the local conversation and provide a launch pad for the cross pollination of ideas and expertise between industries, socio-economic groups, ages, and life experiences. Join us.
You can read more about TED here.
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You asked. We listened.
You’ve been bugging me for years. So now you can all clam up and put your money where you mouth is.
YES, MY SON. WINE IS ONE OF THE FIVE FOOD GROUPS, the definitive collection of my humorous Facebook posts, is available for your Kindle (or your ebook reader on your computer) and in paperback. And while I am not one to boast, I had forgotten how funny a lot of this stuff was.
So here is what I need from you:
- Please buy the book. It’s super affordable. In fact, buy a couple. They’re small.
- Consider writing a review. A nice one. Heck, I’ll even write it for you to post.
- Tell your friends. Tell everyone you have ever met. Tell anyone with a pulse.
- Spread the love on social media. Post about the book on Facebook or Twitter. Talk about it on Goodreads (as of this writing, the book isn’t up yet. Just give it some time).
What will you get in return? Laugh-out-loud fun, love, good karma, extra Christmas presents from total strangers, and … most importantly, my unending respect and gratitude. All for $2.99.
I bet your $3 latte never did that for you.
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New feature: Ask a Question Friday
I get TONS of questions. Lots. So many in fact, that I ended up writing a book.
But there are some questions that don’t really have a place in the book. There are others with answers that need to be reiterated … and reiterated … until you feel like you’ve been bludgeoned by Mjolnir. (Just ask my husband – NO ONE can nag like I can)
The result: I’ve decided to launch Ask a Question Friday. If you have a question you want answered, send it to me at jcasteix@gmail.com. If you want to make a party of it, read this at 5pm with your favorite cocktail (who says that prevention education can’t be fun?).
So grab the wine opener, and let’s get started.
Joelle, you have a young son. With everything you know about abuse, how can you ever let him out of your sight?
I get this question all of the time.
I’ll admit it: having a kid is really hard. If you watch TV and keep up with the news, you’re bound to think that the world is a terrible place where children can’t play outside and where a predator lurks behind every corner.
But much of that is not true.
My son plays outside with his friends almost every day. At least twice a week, I have about six kids in my house playing Legos, Xbox, or inventing zombie-esque games.
You can create a fun, safe, and magical place for your child to play and thrive. How do you do that? Be aware. Know your child’s friends and their parents. Demand that your child follow your rules for safe play, check-in, etc. Be observant of other adults. Understand that “Stranger Danger” is important, but that a majority of abuse is perpetrated by someone YOU and YOUR CHILD love and respect.
I am doing my best to raise my child with strong body boundaries, strong behavioral boundaries, and the confidence to know that he can tell me anything. He does not spend time alone with any adult besides his parents or a trusted caregiver. From a toddler, he has known the correct names of his body parts and that no one touches them inside or outside of his clothes (or vice-versa, or takes pictures). I am also teaching him to be confident enough to know that it is okay to say no to an adult, he does not have to be hugged or touched if he doesn’t want to, and that self-esteem and self-confidence will be his biggest defenses against predators.
Mostly, I try to make sure that he is not surrounded by fear, judgement, or confusion about his body. And yes, I am on the stricter side of parenting. My son has had strong and appropriate consequences for inappropriate behavior. I am an adult, and my child is a child. He wants me to be an adult and to be strong for him. It is my job to solve the “adult problems” of his world so that he can learn to problem-solve his own issues.
Am I perfect? Hell, no. I am sure that any reader can shoot 100 holes in my answer. But I will say this: my child has only one chance to be a child. He only has one chance to be strong about his body and full of childhood friendships. I refuse to raise a child with a victim mentality. It’s not my son’s job to pay for what happened to me.
I know that I mess up every day. A lot. But awareness is 90% of the battle.