The Worthy Adversary

Category: Uncategorized

  • Monitor the Xbox: A textbook example

     

    From HLN: Jessica Carlton, 44, had been communicating with the 13-year-old victim over the Xbox
    From HLN: Jessica Carlton, 44, had been communicating with the 11-year-old victim over the Xbox

     

    I am always telling parents the importance of keeping all Internet-enabled devices in common areas of the home. Many parents challenge me on this—telling me that they trust their child.

    It’s not a matter of trust. It’s a matter of child safety. Here’s why:

    From HLN:

    A Michigan woman is accused of having an inappropriate relationship with an 11-year-old boy for more than a year after meeting him on Xbox Live …

    Carlton gave the boy clothes, debit cards, and jewelry, the prosecutor added.

    The expensive gifts are one of the top symptoms of grooming (how a predator manipulates a child into becoming a sex abuse victim – learn more here).

    If your child is receiving expensive or inappropriate gifts from an adult (especially an adult you don’t know), take action immediately.

    In the meantime, talk to your child about Internet safety, monitor your child’s texts, and empower your child with information about grooming and sexual abuse. It is never okay for an adult to be sexual with a child or teen. And yes, women abuse.

     

  • Fairfax VA church “Care Director” is outed as a violent sex offender. Guess what happens next …

     

    Amy Smith is a hell of a blogger and advocate for victims of sexual abuse in Protestant churches. A few weeks ago, she discovered that the “Care Director” at Fairfax (VA) Community Church is a registered violent sex offender.

     

    FCC-logo

     

    What happened afterward is shocking.

    Here’s a teaser: in their defense of sex offender Eric Nickle, they gave away the identity of his victim.

    Read the whole thing here.

     

  • The Not-So-Secret Institutional Code Words for Child Sex Abuse

     

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    There has been no shortage of news this summer when it comes to the US clergy sex abuse crisis. Although the Vatican is attempting to clean up the mess as much as possible before Pope Francis’ September visit (including accepting the resignations of the St. Paul and Minneapolis archbishop and bishop, as well as finally ousting the convicted Kansas City-St. Joseph bishop), very little has changed when it comes to zero tolerance.

    You can read about some of the recent scandals—where credibly accused priests remain in ministry—here, here, and here.

    We still need to remain vigilant. And as more victims in other organizations such as the Boy Scouts and religious groups besides the Catholic Church come forward and demand justice, it’s vital that we remember that our top priorities must always be child safety and victim healing.

    In light of this, let’s go back to basics: the Code Words.

    If you or your child are a part of an organization with an allegation of child sexual abuse, demand transparency … or leave the group. And if you’re wondering if your institution is transparent, keep an eye out for these cover-up Code Words. Not every code word means that there is sexual abuse, but every one of these code words can be a sign of real trouble and cover-up.

     

    • Boundary violation
    • Inappropriate touching
    • Victim alleged additional details, discredited
    • Long hugs
    • Kissing
    • Secrets
    • Confidential investigation
    • Accused is a minor
    • Tickling, horseplay, rough-housing
    • Questionable photos
    • Monitored employee
    • Not allowed to work with children
    • Immature (when describing an employee)
    • Consensual relationship with a teen/child
    • Well-developed child
    • Troubled/emotionally disturbed child or family
    • History of alcohol/drug abuse (in victim or alleged perpetrator)
    • Mature teen
    • Lap-sitting
    • Co-sleeping
    • Overnight, unsupervised trips
    • Affair with a teen/child
    • Inappropriate (and not described) conduct
    • Internal investigation (that is not made public)
    • Employee sent to undisclosed treatment
    • “Times were different”
    • After numerous interviews, child retracted the story
    • Complete review of personnel file (that is not made public)
    • Misunderstood affection

    The code words fall into categories: victim blaming (victim changing story, mature teens, consensual relationships, affairs, emotional disturbance), ignorance (“times were different”), minimization (treatment, misunderstood affection, tickling, horseplay).

    I am more than happy to add to the list … so feel free to respond in the comments.

     

     

  • Ask a Question Friday: My kid is too young for prevention education

    Q&A

    Joelle, you constantly stress how important it is to “armor” your child against abuse from as early as infancy and toddlerhood. I don’t agree. My child is too young to know about sex. Why do you insist on exposing children so early and ruining their innocence?

    Armoring your child does NOT include talking about sex. You can empower your child and teach her and yourself the tools you need WITHOUT destroying her innocence. You do not need to get into uncomfortable discussions about biology, where babies come from, shame, sexuality, morality, or religious views on sex. Your child doesn’t understand and doesn’t care. He just wants to be safe and empowered.

    When I talk about “armoring” your baby and toddler, I mention NOTHING about sex, abuse, or anything else that destroys a child’s innocence. Instead, I talk about the importance of establishing boundaries and schedules for infants and toddlers, as well as using consistency and love in discipline. For toddlers, I stress knowing the correct names for body parts and allowing your child to refuse hugs and kisses from adults. You can learn more here.

    Your child’s innocence is a gift. Armoring your child reinforces that innocence. And it’s totally in your power and control.

     

  • Just because they shout the loudest, doesn’t mean they’re right

    The big discussion at the 2014 SNAP conference was “everybody’s favorite pontiff,” Pope Francis.

    Journalist Jason Berry—who faced raised eyebrows for earlier comments criticizing SNAP’s methods and “skillset“—told the group at his conference speech that SNAP should work strategically to “get a place at the table” and negotiate with the Vatican. (Note: Berry did apologize to the larger group and individuals for his July 29 remarks)

    As much as I like and respect Jason, I think he is being suckered in by former Fox News journo/now Vatican communications guy Greg Burke’s carefully crafted Papal PR Machine. It’s the machine that always ensures there are plenty of photographers around to take photos of the Pope washing the feet of an Islamic woman, driving a car, living in a small apartment, and personally calling letter-writers. (In case you haven’t noticed, the PR move of calling letter writers was so successful, it’s been copied by Barack Obama, who is facing abysmal favorability poll numbers).

    Pope Francis kneels to wash the foot of a man in a pre-Easter ritual

     

    But just because the papal PR machine is shouting the loudest, doesn’t mean it’s right.

    Fortunately, survivors ain’t buying it. I, for one, think a few “authentic gestures” are required.

    What’s an “authentic gesture,” you ask?

    Authentic gestures DO NOT include secret meetings with carefully picked survivors (who are asked to attend Mass and are sworn to secrecy until after the meeting). Authentic measures are NOT apologies, and certainly do not describe the deliberate and criminal cover-up of sexual abuse as “sins of omission.”

    I’ll go back to my old rallying cry: I’ll believe that the Pope is a champion for real change when he fires convicted child endangerer (I guess that can be a word in this case) and Kansas City Bishop Robert Finn. THAT would be an authentic gesture. Super easy stuff. But too hard for Pope Francis, apparently.

    Until then, I’ll pass on a seat at the Vatican’s table. I don’t like the Kool-aid they serve.