It’s been two weeks since I was on the TEDx stage. I am still reeling at the amazing day, the supernatural speakers, and the wonderful friends I made. I spoke about the power of responsibility and how—when we take responsibility for our emotions, reactions, and decisions—we can create the future that we WANT. Other speakers…Continue reading TEDx PasadenaWomen
The Compassionate Response: How to help and empower the adult victim of child sexual abuse is now available in Spanish. Paperback and Kindle editions. About the book: One of the hardest things that many adult survivors of child sexual abuse will ever do is come forward and tell someone. Even if the survivor finally discloses decades…Continue reading La Respuesta Compasiva
What do you do when you get the chance of a lifetime? Worry. And sweat. I was selected to be a speaker for the May 30 TEDx Pasadena Women conference. Being a speaker at TED and TEDx are HUGE goals of mine … so I have to admit: when I received the acceptance, I thought that…Continue reading Inside the TEDx speaker’s mind
Yesterday, a 17-year-old victim of child sexual abuse in the Boy Scouts filed a sex abuse and cover-up lawsuit against the local Sacramento council and the national Boy Scout organization. The victim, who waited until after he earned the honor of Eagle Scout to file the lawsuit, was molested by a former Assistant Scout…Continue reading A wake-up call for the Boy Scouts
I had the opportunity to work with a very strong and brave group of clergy sex abuse survivors over the weekend. Two things struck me: Their total bravery and willingness to grow beyond trauma, and Their compassion for friends and family members who want to be loving and helpful, but don’t know what to say or do.…Continue reading Helping the supporters
Katie, bar the door: I have been invited to speak at TEDx PasadenaWomen. To say I am excited would be an understatement. Achieving this kind of goal—speaking in front of engaged and visionary women at a TEDx event—has been mind-blowing. What will I be talking about? Well, that’s a secret. What is TEDx PasadenaWomen?…Continue reading TEDx PasadenaWomen
It’s not 1984 anymore. But Saturday Night Live forgot that this past weekend. Yesterday, I discussed what we can learn from the awful Barbara Walters/Mary Kay LeTourneau interview aired last Friday. But ABC is not alone in its total disregard for the damage caused by adult women who sexually abuse children (girls and boys). NBC…Continue reading SNL pushes the line too far—and how to push back
Barbara Walters’ interview with convicted child molester Mary Kay LeTourneau and her once-victim-now-husband Vili Fualaau was gut wrenching. The romanticization of the abuse was awful enough. But giving a woman like LeTourneau a platform to justify what she did is reprehensible. Being outraged or upset about the interview doesn’t help anyone. But talking about her predatory…Continue reading What we can learn from the LeTourneau interview
Remember: Bullying is abuse. It’s a crime of power, just like child sexual abuse. I hope you can join us in Costa Mesa, CA this April 29.
I just got the cover design for THE WELL-ARMORED CHILD. Everything is on track for my September publication date!
If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive. – Brené Brown, Daring Greatly One of the most common emails I get is from people who say, “Joelle, my friend just told me that s/he was sexually abused as a child. I don’t know what…Continue reading Giving the “Compassionate Response” to the adult victim of child sexual abuse
There’s a banner that hangs outside of Costa Mesa’s (California) Whittier Elementary School. Its slogan— Children are our first priority—is a painfully ironic reminder of one of the biggest problems plaguing our public schools. That problem is child sexual abuse by public school employees—an epidemic that is raging out of control. Don’t believe it’s a problem?…Continue reading An epidemic of child sex abuse in our public schools
I am currently reading SPLIT: A CHILD, A PRIEST AND THE CATHOLIC CHURCH by my friend Mary Dispenza. Abuse memoirs are usually a tough read, but Mary discusses her life with grace and respect—very similar to the way she lives her life. While I am not done with the book, something struck me at the…Continue reading A question about adult victims
*** This post is updated with a statement by Shattuck-St. Mary’s.*** In 2003, Headmaster Nick Stoneman had a choice. His drama teacher had been found with child pornography on a school computer. This same teacher—Lynn Seibel—had admitted to being complicit in “Naked Dance Parties” with male students in school bathrooms. Seibel was also rumored to have…Continue reading Shattuck-St. Mary’s Part 2: The choice
A boarding school. Naked dance parties. Child pornography. Molestation. An arrest. A suicide. Allegations. Lawsuits. A cover-up. Total institutional ethical failure. When I first heard about the scandal at Minnesota’s Shattuck-St. Mary’s (I’ll refer to it from now on as SSM), I had a hard time wrapping my arms around the extent of the criminal…Continue reading The Total Failure of Shattuck-St. Mary’s
I didn’t … and note: these children can be as young as 11 From today’s OC Register (emphasis mine): Though there isn’t a single background or profile that describes all those girls, summit presenters said there are typical risk factors – including poverty, family dysfunction, learning disabilities, childhood sexual abuse, isolation, emotional distress and…Continue reading Do you know the signs of child sex trafficking?
THE WELL-ARMORED CHILD: A PARENTS’ GUIDE TO PREVENTING ABUSE has found a home (before it ends up in your home and the homes of all of your friends). The manuscript has been accepted by the Greenleaf Book Group and will be published under the River Grove imprint. Expect to see the book on Amazon and…Continue reading Book Announcement
Joelle, you constantly stress how important it is to “armor” your child against abuse from as early as infancy and toddlerhood. I don’t agree. My child is too young to know about sex. Why do you insist on exposing children so early and ruining their innocence? Armoring your child does NOT include talking about sex.…Continue reading Ask a Question Friday: My kid is too young for prevention education
Talking to teenagers about their social media presence can be a drag. But if you have a teen and that teen is online, talking to your kid about his or her “online presence” can make the difference between a free college education and a lifetime of student debt. Don’t believe me? Just ask the high schooler…Continue reading Naughty Twitter Feed? Say Adios to that scholarship, my friend!
I get TONS of questions. Lots. So many in fact, that I ended up writing a book. But there are some questions that don’t really have a place in the book. There are others with answers that need to be reiterated … and reiterated … until you feel like you’ve been bludgeoned by Mjolnir. (Just ask my…Continue reading New feature: Ask a Question Friday