The Worthy Adversary

Category: armored child

  • Do you know the signs of child sex trafficking?

     

    I didn’t … and note: these children can be as young as 11

    From today’s OC Register (emphasis mine):

    Though there isn’t a single background or profile that describes all those girls, summit presenters said there are typical risk factors – including poverty, family dysfunction, learning disabilities, childhood sexual abuse, isolation, emotional distress and lack of social support.

    Presenters asked teachers to keep an eye open for certain behavioral indicators of trafficking – ranging from sporadic attendance and signs of physical bruises or depression, to a student having a noticeably older boyfriend, getting a “branding” tattoo or saying she is employed, even though she lacks a work permit.

    Read the whole thing.

     

  • Book Announcement

    THE WELL-ARMORED CHILD: A PARENTS’ GUIDE TO PREVENTING ABUSE has found a home (before it ends up in your home and the homes of all of your friends).

    The manuscript has been accepted by the Greenleaf Book Group and will be published under the River Grove imprint. Expect to see the book on Amazon and available for order in late August 2015. It will also be available for order by book stores and groups.

    Yay!

     

     

  • Ask a Question Friday: My kid is too young for prevention education

    Q&A

    Joelle, you constantly stress how important it is to “armor” your child against abuse from as early as infancy and toddlerhood. I don’t agree. My child is too young to know about sex. Why do you insist on exposing children so early and ruining their innocence?

    Armoring your child does NOT include talking about sex. You can empower your child and teach her and yourself the tools you need WITHOUT destroying her innocence. You do not need to get into uncomfortable discussions about biology, where babies come from, shame, sexuality, morality, or religious views on sex. Your child doesn’t understand and doesn’t care. He just wants to be safe and empowered.

    When I talk about “armoring” your baby and toddler, I mention NOTHING about sex, abuse, or anything else that destroys a child’s innocence. Instead, I talk about the importance of establishing boundaries and schedules for infants and toddlers, as well as using consistency and love in discipline. For toddlers, I stress knowing the correct names for body parts and allowing your child to refuse hugs and kisses from adults. You can learn more here.

    Your child’s innocence is a gift. Armoring your child reinforces that innocence. And it’s totally in your power and control.

     

  • Naughty Twitter Feed? Say Adios to that scholarship, my friend!

    Twitter_logo

    Talking to teenagers about their social media presence can be a drag. But if you have a teen and that teen is online, talking to your kid about his or her “online presence” can make the difference between a free college education and a lifetime of student debt.

    Don’t believe me?

    Just ask the high schooler who was denied the scholarship because his online presence was not “representative … of our university.”

    From USA Today:

    Three years ago, Scott Fitch couldn’t believe what he was hearing. A college coach recruiting two of his Fairport High School boys basketball players called to say how much he liked what he saw after watching them play an AAU game, and that he thought both were good enough to see court time on his team as freshmen.

    “But we’re going to stop recruiting one of them,” the college coach said.

    Stunned, Fitch asked why.

    “We found his Twitter account, looked through it and some of what we saw isn’t representative of what our university is about,” the recruiter explained.

    Be sure to read the whole thing.

     

     

  • New feature: Ask a Question Friday

    Q&A

    I get TONS of questions. Lots. So many in fact, that I ended up writing a book.

    But there are some questions that don’t really have a place in the book. There are others with answers that need to be reiterated … and reiterated … until you feel like you’ve been bludgeoned by Mjolnir. (Just ask my husband – NO ONE can nag like I can)

    The result: I’ve decided to launch Ask a Question Friday. If you have a question you want answered, send it to me at jcasteix@gmail.com. If you want to make a party of it, read this at 5pm with your favorite cocktail (who says that prevention education can’t be fun?).

    So grab the wine opener, and let’s get started.

    Joelle, you have a young son. With everything you know about abuse, how can you ever let him out of your sight?

    I get this question all of the time.

    I’ll admit it: having a kid is really hard. If you watch TV and keep up with the news, you’re bound to think that the world is a terrible place where children can’t play outside and where a predator lurks behind every corner.

    But much of that is not true.

    My son plays outside with his friends almost every day. At least twice a week, I have about six kids in my house playing Legos, Xbox, or inventing zombie-esque games.

    You can create a fun, safe, and magical place for your child to play and thrive. How do you do that? Be aware. Know your child’s friends and their parents. Demand that your child follow your rules for safe play, check-in, etc. Be observant of other adults. Understand that “Stranger Danger” is important, but that a majority of abuse is perpetrated by someone YOU and YOUR CHILD love and respect.

    I am doing my best to raise my child with strong body boundaries, strong behavioral boundaries, and the confidence to know that he can tell me anything. He does not spend time alone with any adult besides his parents or a trusted caregiver. From a toddler, he has known the correct names of his body parts and that no one touches them inside or outside of his clothes (or vice-versa, or takes pictures). I am also teaching him to be confident enough to know that it is okay to say no to an adult, he does not have to be hugged or touched if he doesn’t want to, and that self-esteem and self-confidence will be his biggest defenses against predators.

    Mostly, I try to make sure that he is not surrounded by fear, judgement, or confusion about his body. And yes, I am on the stricter side of parenting. My son has had strong and appropriate consequences for inappropriate behavior. I am an adult, and my child is a child. He wants me to be an adult and to be strong for him. It is my job to solve the “adult problems” of his world so that he can learn to problem-solve his own issues.

    Am I perfect? Hell, no. I am sure that any reader can shoot 100 holes in my answer. But I will say this: my child has only one chance to be a child. He only has one chance to be strong about his body and full of childhood friendships. I refuse to raise a child with a victim mentality. It’s not my son’s job to pay for what happened to me.

    I know that I mess up every day. A lot. But awareness is 90% of the battle.