Grooming is a predator’s “ticket” to your child. It is the careful means by which a predator befriends, flatters, builds trust, removes inhibitions, and blurs sexual and body boundaries in order to make a child an “easy” target for abuse—a child who does not fight back and is far less likely to report. Grooming is…Continue reading What is “grooming” and how do child predators target children?
St. Louis Archbishop Robert Carlson has a lesson for all of us, and I don’t think it’s the lesson he intended. The situation: When asked by victims’ attorney Jeff Anderson in a recent deposition if he knew in the 1984 that child sex abuse was a crime, Carlson responded, “I’m not sure if I did or…Continue reading A bishop’s “epic fail” is a lesson to all of us: How to report abuse
I have written on this subject before. But today’s story out of Sacramento is more tragic and upsetting. The mother of an eight-year-old sodomy victim has filed a lawsuit against the mobile home park where the crime happened in 2013. She charges that the management of Sacramento’s Park Royal Estates Mobile Home Park knew that a 15-year-old boy…Continue reading When a child is abused … by another child
One of the most important things I teach parents about empowering children against abuse is: “no secrets.” Yesterday I was reminded about how important it is to REINFORCE this lesson as children get older. Although the following story does not involve abuse, it shows how easy it is for a child to keep a secret with a “trusted…Continue reading No secrets: It’s easy for kids to keep promises … for the wrong people
This past Sunday, I had a bit of an epiphany. I was getting ready to receive an award for my work on behalf of SNAP for creating awareness for support groups. The organization honoring us—SHARE! The Self Help and Recovery Exchange—is an awesome non-profit that provides more than 140 support groups a week, helps people in crisis…Continue reading It all started with a support group
Last month, I received a very lovely rejection letter from a well-respected New York agent who had asked to review the entire proposal for THE WELL-ARMORED CHILD. She liked the book, loved the writing, but told me that she just didn’t think the market for the book was “robust” enough. A story yesterday on CNN.com…Continue reading Think that parents don’t want a “toolkit” book to prevent abuse? Think again
Part One: Young Children and the Sixth Commandment It’s the juicy one: Thou shall not commit adultery. How do you teach the term adultery to young children? There are two ways: There is a guilt and sin-laden method that shames child victims of abuse into a lifetime of silence and self-loathing. It also silences witnesses and whistleblowers…Continue reading We can’t waste this teachable moment: How the teaching of one commandment silenced generations of sex abuse victims and what we can do to change it
The words from panicky parents ring far and wide: “I went to slumber parties all of the time and, you know, nothing bad ever happened. But things are so different now!” “I’ve never let my child spend a night away from me. But she’s nine now, and all of her friends have slumber parties. I…Continue reading My kid has been invited to a slumber party! What do I do?
A breaking story today has kept my phone ringing off the hook: A southern California third grader has been accused of sexually assaulting a classmate numerous times during the past year. School administrators only found out about it when other students at an after-school program reported what they saw. (Kudos to those kids!) Tragic? Yes.…Continue reading When children abuse: A preventable tragedy
One of the chapters of my upcoming book deals with what I call Institutional Rot, that is, why “good” people do and say bad things in the name of the institution and how children are caught in the crossfire. For an institutional culture to have this kind of crisis, the direction—or I should say, misdirection—has…Continue reading In crisis, Francis fails
The sexual abuse of teens by powerful adults (teachers, coaches, priests, family members) is a trauma double whammy: teens damaged by the abuse AND they are often blamed for the abuse by community members who say that the teen wanted it, was a slut, or should have known better. What these people don’t understand—but predators…Continue reading Predators, Alcohol and Teens … a deadly combination
A big question I get from parents is: How can I keep my child safe? While I have a book on the subject coming out soon, there is one thing we can all do right now to make our kids safer: Go with your gut. If you are in a situation and things seem odd,…Continue reading Prevent abuse: Go with your gut
No matter your take on the recent UN committee report on the problem of sex abuse in the Catholic Church and no matter how you feel about the recent public argument involving Woody Allen and his daughter Dylan Farrow, two things are clear: The more we talk about sex abuse as a crime, the more…Continue reading If nothing else …
Every once in a while, I catch myself wondering why the child sex abuse awareness movement (especially in the Catholic Church) has never elicited support from Hollywood A-listers. Yesterday, Dylan Farrow gave us a painful and personal reminder. Her immensely brave open letter in the New York Times is raw. She openly accuses Woody Allen…Continue reading You read Dylan Farrow’s letter. Now what?
I am super-duper excited to announce my next book project: Raising the Armored Kid: A victim and advocate gives you the tools to help your children stay safe from sexual abuse (working title) This easy-to-read, easy-to-use book will teach parents, caregivers and loved ones common sense strategies that will help children stay safe from child sexual abuse.…Continue reading Big Announcement